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Posts by Michael

I am a husband, father, minister, and writer.

Parenting Verbatim

Thanks to Jordan McQueen

Thanks to Jordan McQueen

Context

It’s morning, before we leave home, and the boy comes to me with a question.

S = Son

F = Father

J = Friend at camp

 

Verbatim

S1: Daddy, is today my last day at camp?

F1: No, why do you think that?

S2: Because J said today is the last day of camp.

F2: Your friend doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

S3: He laughs.

F3: I like the way you asked me though. You can always ask me or your mother a question. Especially when your friends say something. Plus, friends don’t usually know what they’re talking about at your age.

S4: Okay, daddy. He smiles.

F4: I’m serious. It’s great that you asked me about camp. You have 3 more weeks. J was making stuff up.

 

Learning Summary

Bryce will have a whole stack of similar conversations with friends, and we have to balance the “Your friends are dumb” with the “Always ask us” with the “We have a question for you, son.”

 

Long Games and Good Questions

Thanks to Joshua Earle & Unsplash

Thanks to Joshua Earle & Unsplash

I was working a piece with a friend–and then I saw the title to an article on a particular political leader–and both experiences made me question myself in this way, “What’s my long game?”

I’m no athlete. That was my brother’s hobby in high school. While he was mastering football on Simeon’s beautiful blue and gold, I would work in drivers ed, take the school’s cars to mechanics, and flirt with girls from different schools.

But there’s something I like about athletic metaphors. And when I saw that article title and contemplated the piece me and my brother-friend wrote, I wondered about my own leanings, my own directions.

You think through such things in ministry anyway. You have to have some sense of internal direction. It helps to add to that a sense of interiority. But the explicit question needs to raise: what is the plan? Where does the map I’m working from lead? In what direction I am hoping this thing will go? Those are long game questions.

 

All the Little Things

Thanks to Michal Kulesza & the folks at StockSnap.

Thanks to Michal Kulesza & the folks at StockSnap.

A uniform here, a purchase of pencils and shoes there. Filling out forms and naming responsible people who can pick you up in cases of emergency.

All the little things we do to prepare for your tomorrows. One small gesture and your days have form, your future a touch of shape: the path before you.

And you in the wind running and not thinking of it at all. You are free from such concerns. You are a kid trying to fly, a boy increasing his speed, a son loving everything your arms can’t yet get around. And you are wonderful.

From a Book I’m Reading

From the Dreamers & Doers at Death to the Stock Photo

Books grow out of the lives of the people who write them, of course. But they also grow out of the lives of the people they touch. The writer writes one truth; the reader brings to it another. When we read something that has meaning to us, we ourselves give it a meaning it never had before. If what we read resonates with nothing we ourselves know to be true, we call it fantasy.

From Joan Chittister’s Scarred by Struggle, Transformed by Hope (pg. xiii)

“Singing Love Songs to Them”

I’m particularly interested in the ways to hear/see this presentation from a pastoral-theological point of view. Not being a medical person, I’m drawing on my basic bottom beliefs about human personhood and community and health.

I think Johann is on to something wonderful. Again, not being as conversant with the particular cognitive psychological elements or neuroscience underneath this talk, I’m vulnerable to that gap. But I think of readings by James Ashbrook and Gerald May and of my professor in seminary, David Hogue.

I’d love to know what you think.

Complications, Surgeons, Care, & “Undeniable Power”

Thanks to Leeroy and Life of Pix.

Thanks to Leeroy and Life of Pix.

This is an intriguing report about patient choice, public information about doctor’s records, and surgeons teaming up to prevent complications and errors even though they’re paid less for it. Here’s a quote that made me hopeful–and there were a few:

There was undeniable power in putting the information out there, where everyone could see it.

“When you get that grade, if you don’t like that grade or think you can do better,” Kaplan said, “you either study harder or go to the teacher and ask, ‘What can I do better?’”

Being a unit chaplain for surgical floors and a medical intensive care makes me particularly interested in this report which you can read here. Of course, your disagreements, your considerations, the comments after the report, and so forth are just as helpful in learning about all these things. And I’m grateful that Marian Wang shared this.

Great Days

Martin Vorel & Stocksnap

Martin Vorel & Stocksnap

Sometimes, in the morning, before we leave the house or on our way to work–Bryce’s work is school, of course, and my work is ministry–we talk about the day we plan to have. We proclaim whether it’ll be a good day or a fun day or an excellent day or a happy day. For a while we would learn new words for our upcoming days, trading the same old terms for new ones I’d have to explain. Usually, though, Bryce goes for the simple, descriptive, and memorable.

When I started this, it was probably because of some deficit in the boy’s day just prior. I was probably responding because of some thing he did the previous afternoon that his teacher delivered on a note. “Please talk with Bryce about his…”

Then, as it stuck, the “What kind of day are we going to have?” turned into one of our little traditions. Now, when I raise the question once or twice a week, it’s a way for me to have the boy to begin thinking about his day, about his expectations for himself, about my expectations for him and about all the same for myself.

The other day Bryce said that we would all have a great day–“me, you, and Mommy”–he said as we were eating breakfast. And I accepted his words like a blessing, like a benediction, like something worth looking forward to. May his words be your expectation for your day and days.

A Prayer From The Chapel

This prayer was adapted from Nouwen’s Open Hands and was in the chapel a few weeks ago:

Dear God:

Speak gently in our silence.

When the loud noises of the outside world,

And the loud inner noises of our fears

Make You seem so far away;

Help us to know that You are still there–

Even when we can barely hear you.

Help us cling to that still, small voice

That says, “Come to me, all you who are

Weak and overburdened,

And I will give you rest–

For I am gentle and humble of heart.”

God, let that loving voice be our guide this day.

May we find rest in Your love,

And bring that love to others.

We ask now for healing

Of body, mind, and spirit,

In Your holy name.

Amen.

The Calls We Make

Yesterday we made the call not to include the boy in a family matter. It was a serious matter and one that I led the way to say, in other words, “I’m not ready for him to be in on that.” At some point, it’ll come up.

It’s a normal, family thing. Relatives get sick, and one of ours is sick right now. That’s how I’ve thought to explain it to Bryce, particularly without more information.

We’re in that dismal waiting period, the period I see dozens of people in all the time where the walls are painted with unanswered questions and where the people who can find answers are hardly around. I didn’t want to tell my boy who is full of good questions these days that I didn’t know, that we don’t know.

So, I suggested what Dawn went along with, what nobody else in the family questioned: leave Bryce out of it. For now. Especially since information is where it is. At some point, he’ll naturally be in it. And I’ll be ready for that.

Stories of God Question Dominant Directions

This summer I’m starting a practice of quoting or reviewing most of the books I read. I want to keep more of the materials with me, remember words, and appreciate what I’m learning, so I’m putting in a bit of effort to capture things in a few hundred words.

I just finished John Shea’s Stories of God. I was introduced to John Shea (in thought and writing, not in person) by my first clinical supervisor, Sister Barbara Sheehan at Urban CPE. She told us that according to John Shea, “Our feelings are the word of God to us.” I heard that and immediately liked John Shea.

This is the first of his books I’ve read. It develops the idea that when Christian people get together, we tell stories and that our stories are our ways of making sense of the world that God has created. Stories are “inevitable companions of people bounded by birth and death.” They are not incidental to life, but essential. Stories are the inescapable ways we talk about the Mystery that is itself inescapable.

Shea says that we relate to five relational environments as human beings, the first and most baffling of which is ourselves. The second environment is family and friends, those who are continually near us and with whom we have sustained interaction. The third and fourth are institutions in society and the nonhuman universe. The last environment is the relation with God or the Transcendent (or commonly Mystery in this book), which is known by diverse “acknowledgements of its presence.”

We are made for these environments, made by them. When it comes to Mystery Shea says that there is an immediate, intense desire for communion in us. “We perceive the dimension of Mystery” through feeling, and we perceive feeling through dialogue and communion. He says on p. 25,

The human person comes to be through dialogue with others. Out of this ongoing dialogue, people develop a sense of who they are and where they are going. People speak to each other words of acceptance and love, but they also speak painful words that call for conversion and new lifestyles.

Communion means love and acceptance; it implies freedom. But human communion goes beyond humanity. It facilitates our awareness of Mystery. In other words, being in relationships of love and acceptance open us to the One who accepts and loves us into freedom. At times this is not a delightful path but a dark one, filled with disenchantment.

But “Disenchantment is an experience of Mystery reasserting itself.” In darkness God comes. In pain we are freed from an idol’s hold upon us and we reach into Mystery. Shea does a lot to describe relationships with Mystery, gives it qualities that anyone “walking with God” can meaningfully relate to.

He writes the second part of the book into three types of stories: 1) Story of Hope and Justice; 2) Story of Trust and Freedom; and 3) Story of Invitation and Decision. When he speaks of stories and, I’d suggest, language broadly, he says:

Although the only way to the unknown is through the familiar, there is a danger. Titles and stories are not the reality. They only serve the reality. They are the way into the Mystery revealed in Jesus Christ, but they are not the Mystery.

For the first story, he discusses two ways of reading the stories of Mystery regarding justice and hope: an interventionist interpretation and an intentional interpretation. The first views historical activity as chaotic and separate from the mythical activity of God. An interventionist view sees all of life from the future, the eschaton, the moment when all things will be redeemed. Justice or hope look ahead to a future which frames life now. “It is this future, always-impending moment which shapes consciousness and directs activity.” Though it leads to a privatized eschatology and, perhaps, a privatized ethic, everything hinges on an invading God who comes after we’ve waited.

Waiting happens in lament, through provocation of the reluctant God to act, and by engaging in “presumptuous activity” that looking upon our works, “Christ will recognize as his own when at last he comes.” This interpretative view of God’s story is characterized by increasing anticipation, purposive waiting, patience, and practice that’s framed by a future vision. I see a lot of this view in practice in the church of my upbringing and the church I currently serve by the way.

The second way of seeing the story of Mystery is an intentional interpretation. This approach is about God’s reasons for interacting rather than God’s ways of interacting with the world. God’s values are present and experienced.

Rather than coming from “a future act of God,” this approach is from “God’s present nature.” God moves toward justice out of a heart of love and compassion for creation. Justice is “an act of respect” and, while its demands are absolute, its forms vary.

In the chapter “The Story of Trust and Freedom,” Shea works with the “combination of stories which attempts to uncover the meaning of Mystery which was revealed in Jesus,” particularly “Creation, Fall, Incarnation, Crucifixion, Spirit, and Church.” He discusses common renderings of those moments and then offers a compelling alternative of relating the symbolic elements of the events in terms of an “inner theological logic.”

He talks about dignity, friendship, and the common aims of Christian events which intend to underline the presence and indwelling of God in the world. He does considerable biblical and theological work in the chapter, touching upon the strong above-mentioned events, quoting folks like Walter Brueggamann, Leonard Bernstein, and biblical authors. Here’s a quote that may capture a chunk of the chapter’s themes, and I love that I hear echoes of James Cone:

The cross is the grounding of the Christian community, its symbol of realism, and its ongoing principle of critique. It is often noted that ecclesiology has its roots in Christology, but it is often overlooked that Christology brings us back to theology. The foundation of the Church is the experience of God symbolized in the crucified Christ. The cross reveals God’s self-giving love which frees us from our self-serving apathy. Out of God’s total acceptance comes the freedom and power to form community, to belong to each other in a life-giving way.

God has taken into divine reality all that is worst about us and turned it toward good. The law of the cross is not that evil has been eliminated but that it has been transformed into possibility…

The last chapter is about a story of Invitation and Decision. In this chapter Shea focuses his vision on the parables of Jesus.

Underlining what it means to proclaim and live the kingdom of God, the parables (and the scriptures as Shea writes) keep God as the plot of the stories. They press forward “invitations into the life of God” and don’t stop at allegorical interpretation where we have examples or particular paths to live. ” A vision of God active in human life is the home of the parables” (pg. 142).

Shea goes through interpretative methods relative to these central teachings of Jesus and leaves us hungry for participation in life with God. We are met with an invitation from and by Mystery to make decisions to neglect or jump into life with God.

He says that the parables focus on immediacy of action, rather than contemplation or morality. Response is critical. Decision is integral. A final quote to capture the sustained thought of this chapter will close my review well (pgs. 152-153):

Put in another way, every person has a faith, a set of presuppositions which are tested out in everyday life. If this foundational structure is too conscripted or self-centered, a crippling lifestyle develops. Attitudes and behaviors become destructive of both self and community. The depth of sin, therefore, is not in the destructive activity itself but in the consciousness which encourages and validates that activity…Parables take aim at these presuppositions and dominant directions. Their goal is subversion. They are meant to penetrate to the core of what we unquestionably hold and question it. In the realm of parable, nothing is safe.

Cost in Human Dreams

I read something the other day about how illness, particularly chronic illness, costs more than we can see. The article said that statistics could only tell us so much. “They do not tell us about the cost in human dreams and endeavors…”

I thought of a patient whose stories had been twirling around in my head like a song. I kept seeing her face from the four or five occasions we spoke. The movement in my memory from her spunky, particular manner to the more resigned countenance she had when we last spoke. She was leaving the hospital for home hospice, to die in her home. Even though I had seen her leave and return within a week that previous week, I knew that this ending was a final one for us.

And I’m thinking of her and her illness and its costs. How the world has seen her dreams in shrunken form if at all. Disease costs. And we hardly count those costs, hardly inspect them in an effort to keep managing day-to-day, without the care and love of somebodies telling us to take good care of our selves so that we can live into all those dreams.

And even when we do our best to care the best for our whole selves and when disease rips us apart, we still need people to come by our sides, to take us close, and to tell us in clear language that we can still dream. Of course, sometimes we tell others of our dreams.

So go to bed. Rest. Dream. Wake up. Live them.