Author / Michael

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Posts by Michael

I am a husband, father, minister, and writer.
by Michael

Practice Telling Truths

Spiritual practices are not always grand and pronounced. The sustained practices–and the sustaining practices–are those gestures we regularly engage with and which call no fanfare. One essentially spiritual practice is telling the truth.

Telling the truth is saying what is real, what is observable by others, and what is experienced by others. Someone else always corroborates truth. It’s not private. Truth is public. Telling the truth is a public act. It is generous because it always involves you saying what is real to someone else. It’s what someone else says to you that you know is true.

Even if you have not seen or handled or read what you’ve been told is true, truth resonates. On the other hand, when you get accustomed to telling truths, your sensitivity to untruths heightens. When you’re used to being honest, being anything else grates what has become a core characteristic.

It also stings to experience lies, untruths, and exaggerations which are themselves an experience in seeing how far you can get by experimenting with lies. Lies, untruths, and exaggerations all distort you. They all distance you from what is real. Eventually you lose the ability to experience the truth. Eventually your perception becomes unreal. Your character becomes false. Eventually you can’t see the difference between truth and lies because you have so frequently smudged that difference that it’s gone.

If there is an antidote, it is in the simple, small practice of telling the truth.

by Michael

It’s Hard Giving Feedback

I have a smart mouth. At least that’s what my mother always told me. I think she’s right. She’s good at telling the truth. But I’ve also worked very hard not to use that smart mouth unless I have to, unless I’m hungry, or unless I’m impatient with the listener.

I noticed two things the other day. First, it’s hard to give feedback when the feedback stings. Second, it’s hard to soften words that are inherently sharp.

I was giving feedback the other day to someone, and I didn’t use my smart mouth. I used the best approach I could. I wanted good for this person, a student of mine. And it was still hard to tell the truth. I’ve been teaching graduate students for eight years and giving critical feedback is still a task.

So the next time you hear hard feedback, take a breath as you take in the words. It may be as hard to say as it is to hear.

by Michael

A Memory

Seven years ago, I was four days into fatherhood. I had seen the unimaginable, experienced the natural miraculous process of my first son coming into the world. It was a long night, one that I planned as much as I could.

My friend, David, says that I mapped out the evening with as much intention as he’d seen me do anything. I really believe my unconscious was speaking when, 2-3 days before the boy’s arrival, I told David that in a couple days I’d call him around 10 or 10:30, we’d pick him up, and he’d drive us to the hospital. He’d leave us there and bring our car home. We’d have the baby. And so forth. What I articulated–with some humorous exceptions being kept by those who keep secrets–happened.

There was a long playlist after the birth. Dawn had not wanted to hear the music I planned for the labor. Labor was quiet because that’s what she needed it to be. After he came, I played this song first by Nina Simone, and it still gives me what it gave me then.

by Michael

Choosing to Subscribe & Other Decisions

I get emails that I signed up for years and years ago. Recently I’ve started to clear the clutter when those messages come.

Some of the messages I still read. Some I appreciate because they remind me of things I’ve forgotten. They bring back before me what used to be important.

The thing is I don’t want all the emails I get. I want to make a different choice. I want to subscribe to some things and unsubscribe to other things.

In email, it’s simple. I click one button and see a pop-up. Maybe there’s an optional survey about why I’ve changed. Maybe not.

It’s harder in conversation. Or in relationships. Or in practice. But the choice is the same.

There are things we choose and things we don’t. Hopefully we have the courage to unsubscribe at the right time.

by Michael

Henri Nouwen on Prayer as Surrender

Prayer is often considered a weakness, a support system, which is used when we can no longer help ourselves. But this is only true when the God of our prayers is created in our own image and adapted to our own needs and concerns. When, however, prayer makes us reach out to God, not on our own but on his terms, then prayer pulls us away from self-preoccupations, encourages us to leave familiar ground, and challenges us to enter into a new world which cannot be contained within the narrow boundaries of our mind or heart. Prayer, therefore, is a great adventure because the God with whom we enter into a new relationship is greater than we are and defies all our calculations and predictions. The movement from illusion to prayer is hard to make since it leads us from false certainties to true uncertainties, from an easy support system to a risky surrender, and from the many “safe” gods to the God whose love has no limits.

From Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life, 126