What was this like for you? I ask this question all the time.

I ask this to lift up what’s been said in the presence of a person, to hear it, and to notice it. This question is one way I process my process when I spend time with people.

It’s come up in how I think about ending meetings where someone has said things they wouldn’t generally say. It’s my way of spending a few minutes before a class, group, session ends to review and re-see what’s happened. I find myself asking, “What was this like for you?”

There are other versions of this question. There are a few reasons why I ask this, reasons underneath my comments above. It’s important for me to walk away knowing how this conversation, this meeting, or this moment was from your perspective. It’s important for me to change and adapt so the next one can be more hospitable.