My spiritual mother has a pretty expansive questionnaire which she created when she led a Chicago church. My questions aren’t as good, but they reflect some of the common questions I bring up with couples in our church. I need to keep a running list since I don’t keep notes on such meetings.
Some of these feel immediately appropriate for personal reflection; all of them assume that a couple will discuss them at some point. Of course, the inability to talk through questions like these are always clinically interesting to me. With some revision, all of these questions can be asked at different points in the future of a marriage.
This is the second part of the list. I’ll frame these as if I’m not in the room with the pair. What would you add? Here goes:
- When we’re at our best together, what are we doing, what aren’t we doing?
- How would I capture my spouse-to-be in a word, phrase, paragraph, and page?
- How much time we spend talking in a week?
- When I close my eyes, what’s the future I imagine with you?
- How will we spend our time together?
- What does an expanded family look like for us?
- What are the changes, transitions, and decisions in front of us for the rest of our lives?
- What will I shine at in this relationship, and what will I inevitably fail at?
- What will my spouse-to-be shine at in this relationship, and what will s/he inevitably fail at?
- How has my loved one shown me grace in the past?
- What is the significance of the party (i.e., wedding) we’re planning?
- Who are some of my dead relatives I wish my loved one could have met?
- What do I mean by the vows I’ll take?
- Where can we put our joint energies and our best collected efforts as a couple?
- How will this marriage make me, change me, challenge me, and better me?