My spiritual mother has a pretty expansive questionnaire which she created when she led a Chicago church. My questions aren’t as good, but they reflect some of the common questions I bring up with couples in our church. I need to keep a running list since I don’t keep notes on such meetings.
Some of these feel immediately appropriate for personal reflection; all of them assume that a couple will discuss them at some point. Of course, the inability to talk through questions like these are always clinically interesting to me. With some revision, all of these questions can be asked at different points in the future of a marriage.
This is part one of my list. I’ll frame these as if I’m not in the room with the pair. Here goes:
- Who are the characters included in our story?
- How did God bring us here, to this point?
- Where have we celebrated so far, and where have we struggled?
- Why do we want to get married?
- What do my friends say about my intended?
- How will my family interact with this person over the next forty years?
- Can we talk about our credit reports?
- What do I simply adore about this relationship?
- When I’m stressed, how does it impact my partner?
- How would I like my partner to describe me to someone else?
- What about my background haven’t I shared with you yet?
- Can you tell me what’s bothering you in ways that I can understand?
- How can I best explain my sexual history and how I’ve been created, shaped, formed, and active sexually?
- What don’t you want me to know about you when it comes to sexual intimacy?
- How do I think a pastor or a counselor can enrich our relationship?